i would not ask (and neither should you)
by jeremystollemyheart
Summary: Alonzo follows Cassandra away from the ball after Old Deuteronomy's return and they talk. It's not exactly a heart to heart, but it's enough.


**I seem to have fallen head over heels into the Cats fandom. It was only a matter of time before fanfic happened. I hope you enjoy!**

When Old Deuteronomy returned (really and truly this time), it was like a sigh of relief rippled through the Jellicle Cats, a breath no one realized they had been holding. Beside him, Alonzo could feel Munkustrap relax into a less defensive posture for the first time since Macavity had appeared.

Across the junkyard, Mr. Mistoffelees greeted Old Deuteronomy with adoration, while the Rum Tum Tugger looked on with no small amount of pride (and wasn't that odd, the Rum Tum Tugger taking pride in something other than himself).

All of the Jellicle Cats crowded around this unlikely trio, many reaching out towards Old Deuteronomy as though to convince themselves he was real. Even Skimbleshanks had given up on establishing any sort of order, and was instead prancing around like a kitten. Everyone was joining in the celebratory fray.

Well. Almost everyone.

Alonzo was embarrassed at how long it had taken him to notice Cassandra's absence. Normally he knew her whereabouts as a simple matter of fact: they were rarely seen too far apart. But she must have ducked out as soon as she was convinced of the reality of Old Deuteronomy's safe return, because now she was nowhere to be seen. He glanced around, but couldn't spot her, so after a moment's hesitation he slipped away, bounding over piles of garbage and scrap metal, deeper into the junkyard. As each of their usual haunts turned up empty, he felt a rush of fear, which only half-settled when he saw her elegant profile perched at the top of a precarious pile of refrigerators and stoves. He didn't bother to hide his relief at finding her. After the disappearance of Old Deuteronomy, her absence had been terrifying. Or maybe Munkustrap's over-protectiveness was just just rubbing off on him.

"Cassandra!" He called out, climbing the mountain of appliances. She didn't move or respond as he scrambled towards her, yeowling once as a carefully balanced refrigerator started to tip under his weight. He recovered his footing in a second and reached her perch only moments after. Rather than acknowledging him, Cassandra continued grooming her already immaculate whiskers with an expression of wide-eyed and determined focus.

"Cassandra!" He settled himself beside her and grinned at her before realizing how her back was arched, how carefully ramrod stiff she sat. His expression clouded in confusion when her only acknowledgement of his presence was a small nod and a flick of her tail. She didn't speak.

"What's wrong?" He nudged his head against her shoulder, begging for her attention. He needed to know that she was alright.

"Nothing," Cassandra responded, her voice tight and clipped. Alonzo drew back, at first afraid that she was angry at him. But she didn't look angry. He noticed for the first time that in spite of her perfect posture and carefully focused expression, she was shaking. It was almost unnoticeable until he took the time to really study her.

"Are you alright?"

Cassandra sighed and it sounded breakable. When she spoke, it was in that carefully measured way she had, "Alonzo I'm—" she redirected her words almost immediately, "Macavity took Old Deuteronomy."

"Yes," Alonzo agreed cautiously, unsure of how to respond to this simple statement of obvious fact, "But we got him back. Well," he amended, "You and Mistoffelees did. Which was brilliant, by the way. You should be proud of yourself. You should be celebrating with everyone else. The ball will be ending soon, we should—"

"What if we hadn't?" She interrupted, finally turning to him, "If I had made a mistake, or Mistoffelees—he's still practically a kitten. If something had gone wrong..."

When Cassandra laughed it was just as glass-fragile as her sigh had been.

Alonzo cocked his head to one side, "So," he began gently, "You were afraid."

"No, no..."

"It's alright. To be afraid I mean. I know that I was."

But he thought he understood, at least a little. Admitting to how powerless he had felt, both during Old Deuteronomy's disappearance and the subsequent battle they had been forced to fight, wasn't easy. Not even here, privately. Not even to her. In some ways he could see how it might be harder on Cassandra, who was proud and aloof even for a Jellicle.

"But," he continued, nuzzling against her in a way that he hoped she would find comforting, "It's alright if you can't say it. You don't have to. Not to me or anyone else. And we can stay here as long as you like."

Cassandra's tail twitched once or twice, and she considered this offer before reciprocating Alonzo's affection.

"And," he added, "you should know: you really were wonderful."

"Thank you," she said. He wasn't sure if she was thanking him for the compliment or the companionship, and he didn't ask.


End file.
